Telling your child to stop feeling a particular way does not show your child you are trying to understand how he feels. Sometimes it is difficult to summarize or label your child’s feelings because you think he should be responding in a different way. You can just sit with your child while she is upset or stay physically close and hold or comfort her. You can let your child know you are paying attention to how she feels by what you do even if you don’t say anything. Your child may not know himself what he is feeling and by talking you can figure it out together. Let him know that you are paying attention by saying, “It seems like you are upset or “It sounds/looks like something is bothering you”. For example, your child may be crying but you may not know if he is angry, scared, or sad. There may be times when you are unsure what your child is feeling. Reflection of emotions is not always easy. This gives your child a word for the emotion and helps him learn that it is ok to talk about feelings. If you want to be seen as an authority in your organization, stop talking, take a break and just listen.When you reflect your child’s emotions, you watch your child’s behavior and describe the emotions he seems to be having. Including and most importantly to them, their point of view. And when you do finally speak, people listen, because they know you've taken in everything. Mindful listening also helps sort and frame information.
And you'll see that when you're really listening, people become more articulate and they're less likely to ramble. Mindful listening will help you notice things that you might've missed before. The best way to learn about your team, your customers, and the organization is to be quiet.
If you do have to fidget, keep it low key by twisting a pin cap under your desk, or something that's not distracting to the other person. Physically moving even if it's just nodding or shifting in your seat can also help your attention. Ask clarifying questions or comments on what the other person is saying. If that's the case for you, work to keep yourself engaged. Even with all that, some people, including me have a hard time staying focused. In the Zen of listening, Rebecca Shafir notes that mindful listening can boost your self esteem, help you retain more information, and also increase your attention ability. There are so many benefits to mindful listening. Repeat what they're saying in your own head and think about how they feel. During the conversation, look into the person's eyes. And instead of thinking about what you want to say in the conversation, try to think about what you want to understand. Before you engage in a conversation with someone at work, just take 10 seconds to clear your mind and think about the importance of that conversation. It might seem like you're focusing on two things, but your mind is actually just switching focus over and over again, really fast. We've all been on that conference call when we were checking our email, but as much as we'd like to believe that we can multitask, science has proven, time and time again, we literally can't. Your smartphone pull you away from that conversation at hand. To mindfully listen, try and rid yourself of the distractions, the physical ones, and the ones up inside your head. And when you do speak, mindful listening makes what you say even more valuable. Mindful listening has dramatic impact on people when you're doing it. When you're mindfully listening, you're paying attention to a person's words, their tone of voice, their body language, small changes in their facial expressions, and other small nuances that give you a more holistic picture of the person and the conversation. And you'll actually garner more authority because mindful listening goes one step deeper than simply hearing what other people are saying. I'm going to let you in on a little secret here, focus instead on mindful listening. You know, when people are trying to take on more authority, one of the biggest mistakes they make is assuming that they need to speak more. Contrary to popular belief, the leader is not always the loudest voice in the room.
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